Living a Lie Page 12

  “I’ve already told you, I’m not seeing the doctor, so leave it be.”

  She grimaced with pain.

  “The last thing I want is him poking about, making things worse.”

  “You’re a stubborn woman.” Returning his attention to the newspaper, he looked forward to an hour or so of peace before he followed her up the stairs.

  Kitty was finishing off some homework before she too would make her way to bed.

  “Do you want me to go in the other room?” she enquired, knowing how he liked his privacy. As she looked at him now, she saw a man driven by his work, nagged by his wife, ignored by his arrogant son, and one way or another, always under pressure.

  His face was wreathed in smiles when he looked up.

  “That’s very thoughtful of you. Kitty, but there’s no need. In fact it’s comforting to have you close by. Unlike the rest of the family, you make no demands on me.”

  “I’m almost finished…just a short essay to do, then I’ll be out of your way.”

  When he merely nodded, she bent her head to her work and within twenty minutes it was done.

  “That’s it,” she murmured, gathering her things and preparing to leave.

  “Don’t go just yet.” Folding his newspaper, he leaned back in the chair and gestured for her to come and sit opposite.

  “We never seem to have time for each other,” he declared sadly.

  “I feel I badly neglect you, and I never wanted that.”

  Taking her folder with her, Kitty crossed the room and sat in the big armchair directly opposite him.

  “It’s all right,” she said.

  “I know how busy you are.”

  She couldn’t deny he was neglecting her because he was. In fact there were times when she felt she had outstayed her welcome in this house;

  Patricia grew more and more impatient with her, and where Adam had once tried to disguise his hostility in front of his parents, now he blatantly humiliated and taunted her in full view of his mother.

  “Are you happy. Kitty?”

  The question was so unexpected, she had to think awhile before answering. Always at the back of her mind was the possibility that she might be sent back to the home and, without Georgie, it would be unbearable. It was on the tip of her tongue to lie, but she thought better of it. She didn’t wish to hurt Raymond, but there was little to be gained from lying.

  “No,” she said presently, “I’m not altogether happy.”

  It was his turn to think. After a few minutes he remarked quietly, “Sometimes I wonder if we did you a great disservice in bringing you here.”

  This was the first time he had said anything to her that was really meaningful.

  “You’ve nothing to reproach yourself with,” she assured him.

  “You’ve treated me well, and I have a real family at last. I have no right to be resentful.” But she was resentful; because she had lost her own family; because she’d sent Harry away; because Georgie was in Bedford and here she was, miles away in Ampthill, with strangers who didn’t want her.

  “Tell me the truth, Kitty.” His sad brown eyes gazed at her with the trust of a dog.

  “What do you think of my son?”

  “I don’t like him.”

  “Hmh!” He nodded his head, eyes tightly closed and his huge fists clenched together in one hard knuckly ball.

  “Has he ever hurt you?”

  “No.”

  “But you would tell me if he did?”

  “I think so.”

  “I would want you to.” He made a strange sound in the back of his throat.

  “Because if he did hurt you, I would have to punish him. I’m afraid I’ve allowed him to get away with too much.”

  Kitty didn’t answer. There was something odd about Raymond’s manner, as though he had been drinking.

  “My wife treats you well though, doesn’t she?”

  “Yes.”

  “That’s good. She has her faults, but she means well. It’s just a pity she lets her son dictate to her. One day I really must do something about that.” Leaning back in his chair, he slowly ran both hands over his head, as though wiping something burdensome from it.

  “Life is a funny thing,” he muttered.

  “Much like the desk at my office. You think you have it all organised, then in blows an evil wind and scatters everything about.” He stared across at her and there was a desolate look about him.

  “I make a great deal of money. Did you know that. Kitty?”

  His strange manner made her uneasy. Impatient to leave for the relative privacy of her own room, she gave the shortest answer possible.

  “I thought you must, because of the house and everything.”

  “I gather your father was a successful businessman?”

  Though she didn’t know why, Kitty resented his talking of her father.

  She could not bring herself to answer, so merely nodded.

  “Oh, I’m sorry. Kitty.” He seemed genuinely repentant.

  “That was insensitive of me!”

  “It’s all right.” And it was. She stood up.

  “I really am tired.”

  He appeared not to have heard her.

  “What do you think of my wife?”

  “She’s been very kind to me. You both have.”

  “Not Adam though, eh?”

  “I understand why he resents me.”

  “So do I, Kitty. Oh! So do I.” He grinned, but his eyes remained hard.

  “Have you any secrets. Kitty? Any dark secrets you would be afraid for people to find out?”

  “I don’t know what you mean.” Harry was her only secret. She could never discuss him with anyone but Georgie, and even then there were things she kept back. Things that belonged only to her and Harry.

  “What I mean is…we all have secrets, Kitty. Things we never tell…things we daren’t tell.” Again he wiped his hands over his head, then stared at the ceiling with sad frightened eyes.

  Fearing he was ill, Kitty offered, “Is there anything I can do for you before I go to bed? Would you like me to make you a drink?”

  “Can you change the past, Kitty?”

  “No.” Oh, if only she could!

  “Can you give a man back his pride?” Before she could think about that, he answered it for himself.

  “No, of course you can’t.” He looked at her.

  “You’ve blossomed, Kitty…become a real beauty.” Drumming his fingers on the chair arm, he went on, “There are plenty of beautiful women willing to sell themselves to a man who has money and position. Scavengers most of them. Beautiful on the outside, ugly on the inside. But you’ll never be like that, Kitty, because you’re different. You’re beautiful by nature. That’s why I was drawn to you, and that’s why I want you to be happy here with us.” He eyed her curiously.

  “But you’re not, are you, Kitty? You’re not, and that makes me sad.”

  “I’m sure I will be, in time.”

  He smiled enigmatically.

  “Until then you’ll be living a lie, like we all do.” He held out his hand as though he would take hold of her.

  When she made no response he let his arm drop heavily to his side.

  “If you found something out…something about me…would you tell tales, Kitty?”

  “I hope not.” She felt as though she was being dragged out of her depth.

  “It’s late,” she said, glancing at the clock.

  “I really am very tired.”

  “Then you had best get to your bed.” As she turned he said, “I hope the day never comes when you have to be ashamed of anything. Shame can destroy a person.”

  Another time she might have said goodnight. Another time she might even have cheered him with a small peck on the cheek. But not tonight.

  Tonight she felt threatened as never before.

  Two days later, Patricia was rushed to hospital. Appendicitis, they said. In fact it was peritonitis and she was very ill. After the operat
ion it was decided she would have to stay in hospital for at least a week. Raymond was beside himself.

  “If anything happened to you,” he told her, “I wouldn’t want to live.” And there was no doubting his sincerity.

  Adam took it all with his usual complacency.

  “She’ll be all right,” he predicted.

  “She’s tough as old boots.”

  At home it was unbearable. In the evenings Raymond moped or paced the lounge, and Adam hid in his bedroom playing heavy rock tapes at top volume.

  Kitty’s offer to keep the house clean and cook the evening meal was graciously refused by Raymond.

  “We’ll all do our bit,” he announced, but after a day of inexpertly prepared meals, unmade beds and Adam’s constant carping, he recruited the services of a very serious-faced domestic. Miss Lacey arrived at eight o’clock in the morning and departed an hour after the evening meal was finished.

  Kitty went to school and came home and went to bed and got up, and every evening she went to the hospital with Raymond, and sat by the bed while he cooed and fussed over his ‘darling wife’.

  One day ran into another. Kitty felt totally isolated, and almost crazy. That first evening she wrote and told Georgie the news, but her anxiety was only heightened when she received a reply.

  Dear Kitty, What rotten luck! Bad as Patricia is, she is at least another woman in the house. I’m sure Raymond is almost out of his mind and won’t have time for anyone else. Keep out of the other one’s way though. I don’t trust the bastard!

  I’d ask you to come over here so we can have a laugh and a chat, but Mac’s asked me to go away for a few days. How can I refuse? I’ll admit I’m worried about his reasons for wanting to get away in such a hurry, but that’s Mac, ain’t it? (Wouldn’t surprise me if he’s been up to his old tricks again. I expect half the police force are after the bugger.) Anyway, I’ve cleared it with the landlord and everything, and I’m off!

  Mac’s picking me up in ten minutes—a ‘borrowed car’ he says. I’ve no idea where he’s taking me, and to be honest I don’t care. I mean to enjoy it, and there’s nothing to hurry back for…especially as I’ve lost my job for being late twice in a row.

  Don’t look like I’ll be getting that blue minibus for a while yet, eh? But Mac says he means to buy it for me one day. Trouble is, how many years will he have to serve in one of Her Majesty’s prisons to pay for it? I’ve told him it’s not worth that much. I’d rather have the bugger where I can keep an eye on him,

  Luv you, kid. Keep your pecker up,

  Georgie XXX

  “Oh, Georgie, make sure you keep out of trouble,” Kitty whispered. But she couldn’t help feeling there was a catastrophe in the offing.

  The first sign of it came from an unexpected quarter. It was the early hours of the morning. Patricia had been in hospital three days. Both Adam and his father had gone out for the evening; Adam with his mates and Raymond to a business dinner. Left to her own devices, Kitty enjoyed the luxury of a late-night film. When it was over she bathed and went to bed, and after a long day was soon fast asleep.

  When she awoke she wasn’t certain what it was that had disturbed her, until she heard the sound again, a voice, and something else, like the awful sound your fingernails make when scraped along a blackboard.

  She sat up in bed. There was someone downstairs.

  “Could be Adam,” she mused aloud. Yes, that was it. Adam had come in and was having a snack in the kitchen.

  Going out on to the landing she looked towards his room. The door was wide open. There was no sign of him there. About to return to her warm bed, she heard the sound again, only this time there were two voices.

  “Adam’s got himself a girlfriend,” she whispered with a smile.

  “With a bit of luck she might teach him to be more civil.”

  Curiosity crept over her.

  “Wonder what she’s like?” Unable to resist, she made her way quietly down the stairs.

  She was right. The sounds were coming from the kitchen. Gingerly, she inched open the door. At first she couldn’t see anything, so she edged it open a bit further.

  The kitchen light was out but the moonlight was stronger now, filtering in through the window and lighting the shadows.

  It had been suddenly quiet, but now frantic groans and squeals of ecstasy reverberated round the room.

  Closer, she bent her head to see round the door, dark eyes smiling and curious at first but widening with horror and fascination as they alighted on the couple inside.

  They were so near she could almost touch them. The woman was young…twenty-one, twenty-two? Very attractive, with long blonde hair and a figure that most women would die for. Spreadeagled on a chair, she had her legs wide open and her arms clawing at the man’s bare back; for a while he knelt with his head between her legs and his long pink tongue nicking back and forth, driving her into a frenzy. Now she had him by the hair and was dragging him up, kissing him on the mouth, licking his face and biting his ears, her whole body arching towards him as he thrust his erect penis into her. They were like mad things, eating each other, stark naked, rivers of sweat running from one to the other, cries mingling as they climaxed. When they crumpled in a heap to the floor they were screaming like wild animals.

  Kitty couldn’t understand her own feelings. She felt she should be ashamed, but she wasn’t. She had never seen anything like it before and felt both repelled and excited. Then, a wave of disgust swamped her. When she first saw him, she couldn’t believe it. It wasn’t Adam.

  It was his father! Now she understood.

  “We all have secrets,” he’d said. This was his ‘secret’…and now it was hers. She wanted no part of it.

  She turned to hurry away, and fell right into Adam’s arms.

  She would have cried out but his hand clamped over her mouth and his drunken face leered down at her. He too had been watching.

  “I never thought the old man had it in him,” he whispered.

  “But I can’t say I blame him. Mother isn’t the prettiest thing in the world. I imagine she must be boring in bed.” There was a fierce pride in his eyes.

  “Nice to see Father enjoying himself though…after all, we men have to keep women in their places.” He laughed softly.

  “Fancy that though…the old bastard having it away with a woman half his age!”

  He was seeing his father in a different light.

  “Maybe he’ll teach me a trick or two, eh?”

  Kicking out, she caught him hard on the shin. When he still held her tight, she sank her teeth into the soft flesh of his hand, deeper and deeper, until the blood trickled over his fist.

  Enraged, he shook her like a rag doll.

  “Bitch!” Squeezing his fingers round her face, he murmured, “If you know what’s best you’ll listen to what I’m telling you. Keep this little episode to yourself. After all, what Mother doesn’t know won’t hurt her, and it would be too inconvenient if my parents split up. When I’m gone they can do what the hell they like, but I’m not ready for all that just yet. So keep your mouth shut, or I might have to think of a way to soil your good reputation.”

  Keeping his hand over her mouth, he dragged her to the foot of the stairs.

  “Get to bed,” he warned, releasing her.

  “And, remember…not a word about what you just witnessed. If Mother ever has to know, I’ll be the one to tell her…when it serves my purpose and not before.”

  Kitty held her head high. Staring at him with contempt, she spoke in a low harsh voice.

  “You needn’t worry about me. Unlike you, I don’t want to cause trouble between them. What they do is no concern of mine.”

  “And that’s all you need to remember.” Spitefully flicking her under the chin, he returned to the front door and made a big fuss about entering; he sang out loud, stumbled all over the place and sent the coat-stand flying, slammed the front door and called at the top of his voice, “I’m home!” Then he staggered acr
oss the hallway and followed Kitty up the stairs. She walked slowly, ant agonising him and enjoying the experience.

  At the top she went one way and he the other. Once in his room he collapsed on the bed, laughed until he cried, and fell into a drunken stupor that would keep him unconscious until late the following day.

  Downstairs, Raymond thanked his lucky stars he had not been caught.

  Having hurriedly dressed, he showed his woman out then went into the lounge where he sat until the dawn, his head in his hands and a great burden of shame weighing him down. After a time he stood before Patricia’s photograph.

  “I won’t cheat you again,” he vowed, but it was an empty promise. One he had made time and again, and broken time and again. But, like Adam, he believed that what she didn’t know couldn’t hurt her.

  He was wrong.

  It was Friday evening when Raymond collected Patricia from the hospital. She ran her eyes over every artefact in the lounge.

  “Finger marks!” she moaned.

  “And dust everywhere! I thought you said that woman was taking good care of my home?” The look she gave her husband would have floored a lesser man.

  Raymond followed her gaze.

  “Looks all right to me.” His awful guilt was like a tightness in his chest. Patricia could say and do anything, and he would not reproach her.

  Though she thought everything shone brightly and there were neither finger marks nor dust in sight, Kitty offered to go round with a duster.

  “It won’t take me long.”

  Patricia wouldn’t hear of it.

  “I’ll speak to that woman in the morning. She’s here for another week, so she can go over everything with a fine tooth comb That was exactly what she did. The woman smiled and nodded and did as she was told, just as Raymond had asked her to do. Patricia dogged her every footstep, and for a whole week, made that poor woman’s life unbearable. Kitty felt for her, but there was little she could do.

  On the following Friday afternoon, she took her fat wage and went.

  Kitty stayed, and wished she too could just walk away. But she couldn’t. She was a prisoner here, like it or not.

  One evening while Kitty and Patricia prepared the evening meal, Raymond hid in his study. Adam played loud music from his bedroom and irritated everyone.