Living a Lie Read online

  “But you will do your best?” Kitty’s heart skipped a beat.

  “You know I will. But your aunt will be thoroughly vetted. The slightest indication that she might be a bad influence, or that she is not capable of looking after you…” Regarding Kitty with serious eyes she asked, “You do know what I’m saying?”

  Kitty knew, and she was trusting Miss Davis as never before. If she was not allowed to go to her aunt, she would not go with that foster couple either. Last night she had lain awake until the early hours, thinking long and hard about her life. Now that she and Mildred had settled then-differences, she was already beginning to look forward to moving out of here and into Park Road. If the authorities forbade it, then she would take the only other option and that was to run away, somewhere where they could never find her.

  Miss Davis saw the determination in Kitty’s expression. Suspecting the reason for it, she pleaded, “Don’t do anything you might regret. I’ve promised to do all I can. I hope you know me well enough to realise I won’t go back on my word.”

  When Kitty had gone, she made arrangements to visit Mildred, to find out for herself whether the woman had Kitty’s welfare at heart. After all, she had shown very little affection for the girl up until now.

  The next two weeks flew by. Kitty’s prospective foster parents were informed of the situation. Obviously disappointed, they reluctantly agreed to await the outcome before deciding whether to abandon the idea of fostering, or wait for another teenager. It seemed they had their sights set on a young adult, rather than a helpless baby; there were several toddlers available for fostering but they were not interested. Miss Davis had her suspicions and reported them to her superior. The couple were interviewed again and were deemed to be suitable. The matter was left to rest there for the time being.

  When the board convened, Miss Davis spoke out for Kitty.

  “I believe it will be in her best interests to go to her aunt,” she declared.

  The committee members examined the report on Mildred. Initially they had harboured doubts, but several interviews and many visits later, they were satisfied. It was agreed that Kitty should go to her aunt, with their blessing.

  Kitty was over the moon.

  “I’m not staying on at school,” she told Miss Davis.

  “When I’m sixteen, I want to get a good job. I want to earn enough money to travel.”

  Miss Davis laughed.

  “You’ve obviously thought about it, so I won’t try and dissuade you…although you should think carefully about leaving school, Kitty. You have a good head on your shoulders, and there are many opportunities for a girl with your talents.”

  Kitty was adamant.

  “If I’m so talented, then I should be able to make my way in the world, with or without paper qualifications.”

  “I don’t believe I’ve ever met anyone so strong-minded!” Miss Davis exclaimed. She took Kitty into her embrace.

  “Take care of yourself, my girl,” she said, her eyes glinting suspiciously.

  “I will,” Kitty promised.

  “And please don’t worry about me.”

  Later, when all was arranged and Kitty was ready to leave with the social worker. Miss Davis wished her well.

  “And what do you intend to do with all this money you mean to earn?” she asked with a twinkle in her eye. She was in no doubt at all that Kitty would make an impression on the world.

  She thought for a minute before wondering aloud, “Wouldn’t it be wonderful if I could help Georgie to get that blue minibus she’s always wanted?”

  Miss Davis had to smile.

  “That would be nice,” she said. What she thought was: Be careful, Kitty. Georgie might be a good friend, but she could also be a long-term liability! She was on the brink of saying it aloud, but knew it would make no difference. Kitty was a loyal creature. When first she came to the home, Georgie had taken Kitty under her wing. Now it was the other way round, and, as far as Miss Davis was concerned, Kitty had got the raw end of the deal.

  CHAPTER NINE

  Harry shivered as he went into the shower; soon though the water was sprinkling down, warm and soothing to his aching back. That morning he had helped his father clear two dying elm trees from the back garden.

  The day before, a rotten branch had fallen and smashed the fence down.

  “Riming this way then that, he worked the flat of his hands all over his tanned shoulders, letting the soap run between his thighs and washing the soft skin there; he turned again, leaned his head back to wet his thick dark hair, shampooed it, lathered and rubbed it, rinsed it and turned once more to swill away the remnants of soap. Clean and dripping, he stepped out into a steamy room.

  Grabbing the towel he wiped his face, rubbing his hair dry as he went into the bedroom. The reflection in the mirror showed him to be a grown man, well endowed, with hard flat stomach, broad shoulders and long, strong muscular legs. He had grown taller, filled out in all the right places.

  As he combed his hair before the mirror, the dark eyes shone with vitality and something else, a quiet sadness that had grown since he and Kitty parted. His gaze fell on her photograph; it had been taken with his new camera while Kitty climbed the tree in their garden and posed cheekily on an overhanging branch. He had been anxious that she might fall and in his haste had taken the picture to one side. It only made it the more endearing.

  He picked up the photograph. Kitty’s face smiled up at him. He smiled back and all the old memories overwhelmed him.

  “Will you ever want me again?” he murmured.

  “Will you ever love me the way I love you, Kitty Marsh?” There was a tinge of anger in his voice. He had come to realise why she had sent him away but would not press her.

  “It has to be your decision, Kitty,” he murmured.

  “You know how I feel.” Lonely, that was how he felt.

  Never a day passed when he didn’t ache for her, didn’t want her beside him, didn’t long to hear her laugh, or see her smile, or hear her voice. In his mind and heart all of those things stayed alive, but it wasn’t the same. Not like the real thing.

  “I hope you’re getting on well with your new family,” he told her softly. How he envied them, having Kitty there every day, her beauty and quietness filling a room, bringing their own special pleasure.

  “I understand why you can’t find a place in your life for me now,” he acknowledged.

  “But one day maybe things will change. I hope so. Kitty. God willing.”

  Kissing the photograph, he replaced it on the dresser. Taking a pair of blue cords and a polo-necked jumper from the wardrobe, he quickly dressed, ran his hands through his drying hair and went down the stairs two at a time.

  “Something smells good!” he called out as he came into the kitchen.

  Linda Jenkins was alone there.

  “Your father and sister have already had their breakfast,” she said.

  “When you’ve had yours, he wants to see you.” Inclining her head towards the door she explained, “He’s in the other room.” There was a look on her face that told him he was in for a lecture.

  Helping himself to toast, he poured out a mug of tea and sat himself at the table.

  “I suppose he means to rant on and on again?” The idea of going through it all once more was deeply trying.

  “I’m sorry, son, but your father will have his say, whether you like it or not.” Linda sighed, dished out his eggs and bacon then sat down with her own beans on toast.

  “I’ve already told him it’s too late now. What’s done is done, and there’s no use crying over it. But he won’t listen.”

  “That’s because he’s a stubborn old sod.”

  “Hey! Not so much of the ‘old’, my lad! That paints me with the same brush.”

  “But we’ve been through it time and again. Why can’t he see it’s what I want?”

  “Because he still hasn’t realised that you’re a grown man now, capable of making your own decisions.” Sh
e gave him a weary look.

  “To tell you the truth, son, he still harps on about Kitty Marsh.” She lowered her gaze, scooped up a pile of beans on the end of her fork and rammed them into her mouth.

  Anger rose in him.

  “What do you mean? What about Kitty?”

  She took her time answering, hoping he would calm down.

  “You know what he’s like,” she said presently, wiping her mouth with a paper napkin.

  “Your father never did like you associating with the Marshes. He thinks you and the girl got too close, and if I’m honest so do I.” She raised her head defiantly.

  “You have to admit, son, it wasn’t very wise. Not when everyone knew they were a troubled family.”

  His dark eyes flashed angrily.

  “And the things that happened…losing her mother and father in that way…the business…Mildred Dad’s being laid off. You think it was all Kitty’s fault?”

  She laughed nervously.

  “No! No! Of course I’m not saying that.”

  “You’re saying I ought to have seen it all coming…that I should have deserted Kitty when she needed me?”

  “I’m not saying any such thing, only…” she hesitated, uncomfortable beneath that fierce gaze.

  “Well, you did rather get caught up in it all, didn’t you?”

  “So, you’re saying it was wrong to befriend Kitty? You’re saying I should have turned my back on her? You and Father have decided that I made a wrong decision because I didn’t know my own mind.”

  Pushing his plate away, he stood up.

  “And if I didn’t know my own mind then, I can’t possibly know what I’m doing now, is that it?”

  “I’m not sure what your father believes. But, to be honest, son, you are making a rash decision. One that could affect your whole future.”

  “So! When it comes down to it, you’re as bad as each other.” Raising his eyes to the ceiling, he gave a deep sigh.

  “I really thought you would understand. I’m not a kid any more. I’ve changed. My priorities have changed, can’t you see that?”

  “You’re growing away from me. I never wanted that.”

  “I don’t want that either, but it’s you who’s driving a wedge between us. You and him.”

  “Finish your breakfast.”

  “I’ve lost my appetite.”

  “Your father’s waiting.”

  Squaring his shoulders, Harry strode across the room.

  “I’d best get it over with then, while I’m in the right mood.”

  Ron Jenkins had grown bitter, and it showed in his face. Hard of feature and lined beyond his years, he rarely smiled.

  “Took your time, didn’t you?” Pointing to a chair he demanded, “Sit down. I don’t want a stiff neck staring up at you.”

  “Then don’t stare up at me.” Choosing to ignore his father’s invitation, Harry remained standing. “And don’t you be so bloody cheeky, or I’ll take my belt to you!”

  “It’s a bit late for that, Father.” Taking a deep breath, he said. “You wanted to talk to me?”

  His father didn’t look up. Instead he kept his gaze averted.

  “I want you to change your mind about going to business college. I want you to ring the university and tell them you’ve decided to accept the place you were offered there.”

  “I’ve already accepted the business course.”

  “lum it down then!”

  “I won’t do that, Father.” Harry’s resolve was evident.

  “Damn and bugger it!” Springing out of the chair, Ron rounded on his son.

  “How could you do it? All the teachers you’ve ever had all said the same thing: ‘Mr. Jenkins, your son is a brilliant mathematician. He’ll make his fortune in the world of finance.’”

  Groaning, he stretched out his hands and gripped Harry’s shoulders. “You could work in the city…buying and selling…making millions. It’s all I’ve dreamed of, son.”

  “That’s your dream, Dad. Not mine.”

  There had been a time when he believed all of that might be glamorous; when he listened to his father. Somehow, though, he had come to believe there were more important things in life.

  “So you’re throwing it all away for a bloody business course?” Ron shook his head in disbelief.

  “Oh, I see now!” His eyes glittered.

  “It’s her, isn’t it? It’s that bloody Kitty Marsh!”

  “Kitty has nothing to do with it. How could she? I haven’t seen her in months.”

  “But that’s just it! You can’t get her out of your mind, can you? She’s gone off to a new life, and you’re throwing yours away because you can’t be part of hers. That’s it! I’m right, aren’t I?”

  Harry was shocked. Rage built inside him, exploding into words.

  “You’re right when you say I can’t get Kitty out of my mind. And you’re right when you claim I want to be part of her life. But as for my throwing away my own, you couldn’t be further from the truth. I want to make good, and I want to do good wherever I can. But it has to be my choice! You work in the city if you want to. You buy and sell and wheel and deal. You be the millionaire. Just allow me to live my life the way I see fit.”

  “It is her! She’s talked you into this. Kitty Marsh places no value on money or property…she proved it by letting that bloody woman rob her blind. It is her that’s changed your mind, isn’t it? ISN’T IT?”

  Ron raised his fist as though to strike.

  Harry stood his ground.

  “Hit me if it’ll make you feel better,” he said coldly. Slowly his father lowered his fist, and Harry went on, “I think we’d best clear the air about a few things before I leave. Firstly, Kitty has nothing whatsoever to do with my decision. I won’t deny she has no craving for material things, and I’ll admit it’s only my gut instinct, but Mildred has a lot to answer for…she’s robbed Kitty blind, and the rumours are enough for me. But Kitty would never stoop to Mildred’s level.”

  Eyeball to eyeball with his father, he suddenly realised he was not intimidated by him. It was a good feeling.

  “Unlike you. Dad, Kitty is not vindictive. I trust her judgment better than I trust yours.” This was no time for holding back. It was a time for honesty.

  “Mildred will never be happy with what she’s done. One day, she’ll realise the depths to which she sank, and she’ll suffer for it…she’ll punish herself far more than Kitty or the courts could ever do. Kitty knows that, and now so do I.”

  He paused, letting the words sink in.

  “Money isn’t everything, Dad. What counts in the end is what you do with your life. And, yes, there’s nothing more I’d like than to share my life with Kitty, I know we’re still far too young and I know only too well she’s turned her back on me. In spite of that, I still haven’t given up on us. I can wait if I have to. Time is on my side.”

  Harry’s passionate outpouring had silenced his father who looked at him now through envious eyes.

  “You’ve got guts, I’ll say that.”

  Harry’s manner softened.

  “So you understand what I’m saying?”

  “I don’t want to understand.” Ron felt like an old, old man.

  “Are you still set on defying me?”

  “If that’s how you’re determined to see it.”

  “Then I can’t give you my blessing.”

  In little more than a whisper, Harry said, “I’m sorry if I’ve let you down, Dad. But I wouldn’t be happy doing what you want. I’ll be leaving first thing in the morning. I’d go with a happier heart if you could see me off.”

  The other man’s face was set hard. He was unrelenting.

  “I’ve said my piece. We can’t agree, so you’d best be off.” With that he crossed the room, opened the door and waited for Harry to leave. Afterwards he slammed the door shut and slumped in the chair, to think about what his son had said.

  “It’s that Marsh girl,” he murmured.

  “
She’s come between us, just like I always said she would.”

  The following morning Harry rose early. He ate heartily at the breakfast table, and told his mother, “I’ll miss you.”

  For the last few minutes Linda Jenkins had been quietly watching her son, thinking what a handsome young man he was; with those dark sincere eyes and strong splendid figure, he would draw any woman’s attention. She couldn’t help but feel he had wasted too much of his youth on Kitty Marsh.

  Since the two of them were small they had spent so much time together, there was little left for other friendships. Secretly she hoped he would meet a girl at college, a girl unhindered by problems, a girl with a normal family who might welcome Harry into their hearts and look on him as their own son. Now of course she held the same opinion as her husband where Kitty was concerned. What she wanted for her only son was a stable relationship, one where he would never be called on to make too many sacrifices; a marriage where the children would have two sets of grandparents, and the strength of family unity all around. He could never have that with Kitty. She was alone, an orphan, a burden who could only place a greater burden on any man she married. Linda prayed that man would not be her son. Yet, in her heart, she knew how much Harry loved Kitty. She had long realised the passion and fierce loyalty between those two, but she had believed it would pass, that it was just a childish thing.

  But it had not passed. Over the years it had only grown stronger. The ties between those two young people were still there. Deep, binding ties, a wonderful sense of belonging that made her envious, made her realise what she had missed. A great surge of guilt overwhelmed her when she found herself wishing Kitty Marsh had never been born.

  At the sound of Harry’s voice she looked up, mentally shaking herself and putting on a bright smile.

  “It isn’t me you will miss,” she gently chided, “it’s my cooked breakfast.”

  He grinned.

  “It’s you I’ll miss,” he assured her.

  “I know you feel the same way Dad does about Kitty, but you never ram it down my throat the way he does. You give me space to breathe, and I’m grateful for that.”