Living a Lie Read online

  Dearest Kitty, It’s been a whole month since I came to see you. I don’t mind telling you, it has been the longest month of my life, and I can’t wait to see you again.

  I hope everything is well with you? I’ve been thinking about our last meeting, and all the things we talked about. I hope your Aunt Mildred has been to see you, and put your mind at rest, and I hope Georgie hasn’t left yet. She’s a good friend, Kitty, and I know you will miss her when she’s gone.

  “Nice to know I’m appreciated,” Georgie muttered. Exasperated, Kitty warned, “One more interruption and I’ll put the letter away.”

  “Sorry, gal. Go on.”

  “Right…” Returning her attention to the letter. Kitty prepared to read.

  “Go on! Go on!”

  “I’ve lost my place now!” Scanning the lines she found the point at which she was interrupted. With a wary glance at Georgie, she carried on:

  I never realised Wales was so beautiful. This morning we went mountain-climbing. Two of the blokes got into difficulties and we had to make a detour.

  We’re shifting base soon. While I write this, my tent is being pulled down round my ears! I should be back home next Thursday, then it’s the first train Friday to London—and the dreaded interview at university. Keep your fingers crossed!

  Kitty paused here, her face hot with pleasure.

  “Why have you stopped, gal?” Georgie demanded. Peeking out of one eye she teased, “Ah! This is where he goes crazy to throw you on the bed, eh?”

  “Don’t be daft!” Curling into a little ball and hiding her face from Georgie’s prying eyes, Kitty recommenced:

  I hope I get a place, Kitty, because I have big plans for the future, and you shouldn’t be surprised if I say they include you.

  Take care of yourself. I’ll see you Saturday week. Miss you.

  Harry XXX

  They were both subdued by the warm tone of the letter.

  After a while Georgie told Kitty she was lucky to have someone like Harry; Kitty assured her she knew that already.

  In fact, Harry’s letters brought her a deal of comfort. She kept them close; a small bundle tied with pretty pink ribbon, never too far away that she couldn’t reach out her hand and touch them. She read them over and over, until they were dog-eared and creased. After a time she didn’t need to read them because every word was etched on her heart.

  Kitty was summoned to the office.

  “It’s all arranged,” Miss Davis informed her.

  “From the time you’ve already spent with the Connor family, we are satisfied you will fit in very well. There are just a few loose ends to be tied up before you move in with them altogether.”

  She saw the light go from Kitty’s eyes and sensed the struggle inside her.

  “I realise it will be hard at first,” she acknowledged, “but I hope you’ll soon come to see them as family. Please, Kitty, for your own sake, give it your very best.”

  “I’ll try hard.” She had already promised herself that much.

  “I do know how difficult it will be for you,” Miss Davis had seen it all before, “and I know you don’t really want to go, but think how it would feel if no one wanted you, Kitty. Think what it would be like if you had to spend another two years in this place. You’re being offered a real home.” Her voice softened. “I don’t think I need to tell you, there are children here who would give anything to be part of a real family.”

  Ashamed, Kitty recalled what Georgie had said: “You might as well give it a damned good try, gal.”

  Taking a deep breath she declared, “I’ll try not to let you down.”

  Relieved, Miss Davis gave her some other news; delightful news that made Kitty smile.

  “I’m planning a party for you and Georgie Rogers. It isn’t often we have two girls leaving more or less together. On top of that, I thought it would be a wonderful idea to celebrate both your birthdays…your fourteenth and her sixteenth. What do you think?”

  A party! Kitty’s heart raced.

  “That would be wonderful!” All her worries momentarily forgotten, her first thought was for Harry.

  “When will it be?”

  “Well, it will need some organising…a slight juggling of finances, and of course you’ll all have to help with the cooking.” She chewed on her lip and thought hard.

  “A good day would be Saturday. The following week you and Georgie will leave here and make a fresh start in life.”

  She beamed widely.

  “Yes. Saturday, I think.”

  “Could I invite someone?” With Harry here, it would be the best party she could imagine.

  Miss Davis misunderstood.

  “How thoughtful of you, my dear. Yes, I’m sure the Connor family would love to come.”

  “I wasn’t thinking of the Connor family.”

  “Oh?” She looked confused, then her big face lit up.

  “Of course! Your Aunt Mildred. Why, yes, if she’s well enough.” She had her doubts where that woman was concerned.

  “We can ask the Connors too, I’m sure it would be nice for all of you to be together for a time.”

  Frustrated, Kitty blurted it out.

  “I don’t want Aunt Mildred here, and I’d rather the Connors didn’t come. It’s a party for me and Georgie because we’re going away, and because it’s our birthdays.” She was angry and frightened of what lay ahead; all her emotions were churned up.

  “I was talking about Harry } That’s who I would like at the party, and I know Georgie would like him there as well.”

  “Ah!” Miss Davis cursed herself for being so insensitive.

  “Of course, your friend Harry Jenkins. To be honest, I thought you and he might have outgrown each other. After all, he hasn’t been to see you in quite a while.”

  “He’s been away. But he’ll be back in time for the party.” For one awful minute Kitty thought she would refuse.

  “Please, Miss Davis. Once I’m gone from here, I’ll probably never see him again.”

  Normally, Miss Davis would have pointed out that being fostered did not necessarily mean losing your old friends. But there was something so final in Kitty’s words that she made no mention of it. Instead she told her, “Speak to Georgie first, but as far as I’m concerned, your friend Harry will be very welcome.”

  There was something here she could not quite put her finger on; a distancing of sorts; the feeling that Kitty had been made to grow up too soon. It saddened her.

  All week long there was an atmosphere of excitement.

  “The old bugger’s had me in that kitchen all night,” Georgie moaned on Friday.

  “I’ve made enough fairy cakes to go all the way round Blackpool Tower and back again!”

  “What about me?” Kitty asked.

  “I’d much rather be in the kitchen than shopping with Miss Picton.” She couldn’t help but smile.

  “On Wednesday she lost her purse and last night she forgot the shopping trolley…we were getting on the bus when two of the carrier bags split wide open and half the passengers had to help pick up the groceries. The trifles were mangled, two kids ran off with the nuts and crisps, and all the apples for the fruit salad went rolling down the road and under the wheels of a lorry.”

  At the time it wasn’t funny, but whenever she thought about it now. Kitty burst out laughing.

  It was midnight. Everyone was lying in bed chattering about the party.

  The balloons were already blown up and lying on the table in the games room; the food was ready and stacked safely away in the big pantry cupboard; everyone was restless with excitement, and Kitty could hardly wait for tomorrow evening.

  “I haven’t heard from Harry,” she told Georgie, who was seated on the edge of her bed. “I hope he turns up.”

  If he didn’t, the party would mean nothing at all.

  “It’s a pity he moved base and I couldn’t get the letter direct to him.”

  “You sent the letter to his house, didn’t you?” />
  “Yes, but I’ve told you his father doesn’t like me. If he knew the letter was from me, he wouldn’t give it to Harry. He’d burn it more like.”

  “Maybe…but his mother probably picked up the post. She would see he got the letter, so stop worrying.” Georgie stood up and stretched.

  “Goodnight then, gal. We’d best get our beauty sleep. Tomorrow we can dance the night away…as long as we don’t fill ourselves up with them bloody fairy cakes!” As she went to her own bed the cries of other girls could be heard all along the dormitory:

  “Bugger you, Rogers!”

  “Piss off out of it!” There were shouts and screams as Georgie tweaked their toes and flung their blankets all over the floor, and Kitty couldn’t stop laughing.

  “Get to bed, you idiot!” she yelled.

  Georgie turned, made a V sign, and threw herself on to her bed where she lay reading the juicy bits in a magazine until a fight broke out halfway down the room and she took it on herself to bang two heads together. Dorothy Picton came in and gave everyone a good ticking off.

  Before she went she turned out all the lights and dared anyone to switch them on again. After that everyone was soon asleep and the air was filled with gentle snoring.

  The night wore on and morning lit the sky outside. Kitty hadn’t slept much. She was thinking of Harry. There were things she had to say to him. There were other things she could not say to him, and all of it so important she could think of nothing else.

  When morning came and she was sitting opposite Georgie at the breakfast table, all the problems that had kept her awake now seemed to Kitty as clear as the day. Harry would understand. If he didn’t, then he would have to hurt as much as she did, and there was nothing she could do about that.

  “You’re quiet, gal.” Georgie had been watching her.

  “I know what you’re thinking.”

  “No, you don’t.” Kitty’s heart was always lighter whenever Georgie embarked on one of her little games. This time, however, she didn’t want Georgie to guess what was on her mind, or she might talk her out of it.

  “You’re thinking…how long will it take Georgie Rogers to get rich.”

  Kitty shook her head.

  “I expect you’ll be rich long before me.”

  “You’re thinking we might not see each other again?”

  “I couldn’t bear to think that.”

  Georgie regarded her for a long minute before she leaned over the table and said in a softer voice, “I know what’s eating you, gal, but you mustn’t worry. He’ll be here, I know he will.”

  Kitty’s brown eyes smiled.

  “Will you be all right in that flat?”

  “Course I will! Goldington Road is in a good area of Bedford, ain’t it? And it’s not as if I’ll be on my own, is it? There’s a girl in the flat upstairs, and an old couple behind me. The Social Services are finding me some decent furniture, I’ll have my own front door key, I’ve got a job, and I don’t have to answer to anyone.”

  “You will stay out of trouble, won’t you?”

  “I can’t promise that, gal.” She winked.

  “I’m only kidding. Do you realise this flat will be the first real home I’ve known…apart from being here? I can even take a bloke back if I fancy him. I can stay out or come home, and shut the door if I want to watch telly without all this lot spoiling it with their chatter.” She waved a hand to encompass the other girls at the table.

  “So don’t you worry your head about me, gal. I’m old and ugly enough to look after myself.”

  Breaking off a piece of toast, she nibbled at it thoughtfully.

  “It’s you I’m worried about,” she declared.

  Kitty didn’t want Georgie worrying about her, not when she had enough problems of her own to cope with.

  “I’ll be all right,” she lied.

  Without Georgie she would be incredibly lonely. And what she must tell Harry was already causing her a great deal of heartache.

  That morning. Kitty and Georgie made their way to Bedford market. They visited every stall and tried on every hat; they teased each other and laughed a lot, and finally made their way back.

  “Wait till your Harry sees you in that new dress,” Georgie said.

  “You’ll knock his eyes out.”

  Kitty glowed.

  “I can’t wait for tonight,” she confessed.

  “It’s been ages since I saw him.” She thought about Harry, about what he might think of her new outfit, about what he might think of her.

  “I wonder if he’s changed?” she mused aloud.

  Georgie laughed.

  “How can he have changed?” she demanded, “People don’t change in just a few weeks.”

  “I have!”

  Georgie stared at her, at the petite figure that was now that of a young woman, at the rich bouncy dark hair, and those lovely brown eyes.

  “You’ve grown more beautiful,” she confirmed with some embarrassment.

  Kitty was disappointed.

  “I didn’t mean that,” she said.

  “I meant I’ve changed inside.”

  “I know what you meant,” Georgie confessed.

  “And I know how different you are.”

  Kitty climbed on the bus and waited for Georgie to sit near the window. She sat beside her, quietly mulling over what her friend said.

  “Am I really that different?”

  Georgie would not be drawn.

  “Just…different, that’s all.”

  Grateful for that much at least, Kitty didn’t press her. Instead she wondered how her character had grown and matured. Certainly, there were times when she felt like a stranger to herself. Other times she was that small helpless child who had seen such terrible things they could scar her for life. Kitty was determined that would not happen to her. Yet she could never be sure, never be free.

  These past weeks, though, she had felt like a totally different person from the one who had walked along that railway platform with her mother. It wasn’t just the years between, nor was it the experiences she had endured since. It went much deeper than that. She had found something within her that craved its own freedom. For the very first time she felt responsible for her own actions. Rightly or wrongly, she could now make limited choices. Soon she would be a woman, out in the world, hopefully a stronger, wiser person. But that was still some time off. Until then she must be led by others. Worse, she had to trust them. That was the hardest thing of all.

  During the remainder of the journey, neither girl said much that mattered. They chatted about the party, and made quiet observations about the other passengers, and soon they were walking up the drive to the big house.

  “Will you let Harry do it tonight?” Georgie whispered.

  “If you want to sneak off somewhere private, I’ll cover for you.”

  Kitty had to smile.

  “If only it was that simple.” Something in her voice made Georgie think.

  “Don’t let yourself get hurt, gal,” she said.

  “In this life you have to take what you want.”

  “I know.”

  “You want Harry, don’t you?”

  “Not if it means he’s the one who gets hurt.”

  Georgie was quiet for a while. As they were coming into the house, she told Kitty in a soft voice, “I know why I love you…it’s ’cause you’re special, that’s why. You care what happens to others. Me, I’m a selfish bugger. I take what I want and to hell with everyone else.”

  Her voice broke and a tear glistened in her eyes.

  “Oh, gal…I’d give anything to be more like you.”

  She broke away and ran into the lounge, whooping and hollering and showing everyone what she’d bought at the market.

  Kitty felt deeply humbled. She had been allowed to glimpse just a tiny bit of the real Georgie, and knew she would love her forever.

  At five minutes to seven, everyone else was making then-way downstairs. Kitty was impatient.

&n
bsp; “Hurry up, Georgie. I want to be there when he arrives.”

  “Sit still, bugger you!” She wafted the hair dryer over Kitty’s hair.

  “I’m almost finished.”

  Kitty groaned.

  “I wish I’d never let you near my hair. It feels all wrong.”

  “That’s because I’ve styled it in a different way. It suits you too.”

  Kitty looked in the mirror.

  “It is nice,” she admitted, “but it’s not really me, is it?” Her long dark hair was parted in the centre and tied in the nape of her neck by means of a colourful ribbon.

  “Won’t hurt to change your image, gal.” Georgie admired her handiwork.

  “Makes you look older…more mature,” she observed. “You might not like it, but Harry will.”

  When Kitty came downstairs, Harry was standing in the doorway, his dark eyes searching the room for her. Softly, she called his name. He looked at her and his smile was wonderful. He didn’t speak and neither did she. Instead they stood facing each other for what seemed an age; he thinking how lovely she was, and Kitty praying she would find the courage needed to see her through these next few hours.

  Blushing beneath his dark brooding gaze, she felt compelled to break the spell.

  “You look good, Harry.” He had always made her feel tiny, but now he physically towered above her. He was broader in the shoulder, tanned and healthy, and there was a warm intimate look in his eyes that revealed far more than words could.

  Placing his hands on her shoulders, he murmured, “You look good too, Kitty…lovelier than ever. More grownup somehow.” Wearing a straight red dress with a high hem and tiny waist, she looked stunning. He ached for her, wanting to kiss her, to hold her close and tell her how much he had missed her. During these past weeks and right up to the moment he walked into the room, he had planned to confess what was in his heart, tell her he would wait for her…that he would be patient until she was of an age when the two of them could be together. All of that he meant to say, but now, when she was standing before him, her slim body just an arm’s reach away and her expressive brown eyes gazing up at him, touching his very soul, he was lost as always.

  Taking a deep breath he swallowed the hard lump in his throat. She did that to him, made him breathless and nervous, unsure of himself, unsure of her.