Living a Lie Read online

“Leave me alone.”

  “Well now, that’s not very friendly, is it?” The green-eyed one began stroking Kitty’s hair.

  “We could be tucked in a nice warm bed. Instead, we’ve come to say hello—introduce ourselves. And all you can say is ‘Go away’.”

  Suddenly she was pulling on Kitty’s hair, long agonising tugs that almost wrenched it from the roots. Her voice trembled with rage.

  “You’d better learn how things are here. Sometimes me and my mate go out at night…through the window and back the same way. Nobody knows ’cause nobody tells.” Twisting the hank of hair in her fist, she thrust her face close to Kitty’s.

  “Nobody tells because they know what they’d get. You see, we don’t care much for tell-tales.” Grinning, she said, “We put them in the shower…wash their mouths out with soap. That usually does the trick.”

  A look of horror came over her face. “Oh! Have I frightened you?” Grinning at her friend, she protested, “Honest to God, I didn’t mean to frighten her.”

  “Why don’t we show her what we mean? Then she’ll see it isn’t so bad after all?”

  Kitty felt herself being dragged from the bed. She kicked out, making them gasp when several blows struck home. But it only made them madder, more determined to teach her a lesson. She had the feeling that all the other girls were awake and listening, watching, but too afraid to do anything.

  As they stripped off her nightgown. Kitty’s own fear exploded into anger. Fetching her fist up, she struck the fair girl on the face.

  Suddenly there was a scuffle and everything happened at once: the lights went on, and the dark-haired girl was sent reeling backwards.

  Astonished, Kitty looked up to see the other girl struggling with someone she didn’t recognise. In a matter of minutes the two offenders were making off, urged on by the threat, “Next time you go after her, you’ll have to come through me first!”

  Even though she was shocked, Kitty had to giggle at the speed with which those two made their escape. This was to be her introduction to Georgina Rogers: a wayward girl with a heart of gold, a lifelong friend in the making.

  “Call me Georgie.” Taller than Kitty, with a large plain face and honest grey eyes, Georgina walked her back to her bed.

  “They won’t bother you again,” she promised.

  “They may be big and ugly, but they’re cowards at heart.”

  Kitty felt that here she had a true friend.

  “I’m Kitty Marsh. Miss Davis says you’ll be taking care of me for a while.” Climbing in between the sheets, she was surprised when Georgie sat on the edge of the bed. She was even more surprised when she glanced down to see deep meandering scars on the other girl’s arms. When Georgie saw her looking, she pulled her cuffs over the marks. Embarrassed, Kitty quickly turned away.

  There was an awkward silence before Georgie spoke.

  “Don’t be embarrassed,” she entreated.

  “I made those cuts a long time ago.”

  There was a faraway look in her eyes and something like regret in her voice as she went on, “Don’t ask me why I did it…they’ve all asked me that…so-called therapists and quacks…people who wanted to look inside my head and see what made me tick.” She chuckled.

  “Just as well they didn’t know what I was thinking, or they’d have been shocked. Most of the time I was thinking about them, and how wonderful it would be if they were suddenly to blow up like balloons until they exploded.” Making a big round circle with her arms she blew out her cheeks and made a funny face. When she gave a full-throated laugh, Kitty had to laugh with her.

  “I like you,” Georgina told her.

  Kitty’s heart felt lighter already.

  “And I like you.”

  “Goodnight, Kitty Marsh.”

  Kitty held on to her hand. It was a lifeline in this strange unfamiliar place.

  “Good night, Georgie…and thank you.”

  “What for?”

  “For chasing the bullies off.”

  Georgie smiled.

  “Looked to me like you were doing all right before I came along.”

  “Still, if it hadn’t been for you…” Kitty knew it would have been only a matter of minutes before they overpowered her.

  “Would you have done the same for me?”

  “Yes.” Though younger and smaller than Georgie, she would not have hesitated if the other girl was in trouble.

  “There you are then. No thanks needed.”

  “Georgie?” Kitty wasn’t sure whether she should ask, but she needed to know.

  “Go on,” Georgie sensed her dilemma.

  “I won’t bite you.”

  “Have you been here a long time?”

  Georgie took a deep breath.

  “It seems like all my life.”

  “It isn’t though, is it?” Kitty had visions of being here until she was old and grey.

  Georgie laughed.

  “No.” She raised her eyes to the ceiling and began counting on her fingers. “One…two…three…four, no…five years. FIVE YEARS!”

  Kitty thought Georgie was right after all. It did seem like a lifetime.

  “Are you an orphan too?” Georgie shook her head.

  “No, I’m not. More’s the pity.” Kitty was shocked.

  “Why do you say that?”

  “You might say it too, if you had a mother like mine.”

  “Don’t you love her?”

  “I’ve never been with her long enough to find out. To tell you the truth, I don’t really know her that well. She ran off when I was four. My dad brought me up. Five years ago he was killed in an accident, and I’ve been in here ever since.”

  “Miss Davis said you were on home leave?”

  “That’s right. You see, my mother came back after my dad was killed. She rents a house, and I’m allowed to see her every other weekend.”

  “Doesn’t she want you home for good?”

  “Yes, but the welfare won’t allow it.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because she’s a prostitute, and they think I’ll be at risk.” She laughed, but it was a cynical sound.

  “Between you and me, they’re right an’ all. She tried it on last night…brought a bloke into my room and asked me to ‘be nice to him’.”

  On the bedclothes, her fists clenched and unclenched. “So now you know. That’s what my old woman thinks of me, and that’s why I wish I was an orphan.”

  Kitty wanted to hug her new friend, but something in Georgie’s manner cautioned her.

  “Can’t you be fostered?” she asked hopefully. To her shame, part of her was hoping Georgie could not be fostered, because then Kitty might never see her again.

  Taken aback by the question, Georgie laughed aloud.

  “I’m too bleeding old to be fostered! People want cuddly babies and pretty little girls with golden curls…” Realising how her words must be hurting Kitty, she was quick to add, “You’ll be all right though, with your big black eyes and pretty face. And you’re only what? Nine? Ten?”

  “I’m twelve, and I don’t think I want to be fostered.” Suddenly the thought of some stranger taking her away was more frightening than the idea of staying here with Georgie.

  “I was fostered once.”

  “What happened?”

  “They said I was too much of a handful.”

  “And were you?”

  “Course! It was the only way I could get out of there.” She chuckled as she recalled the couple who had taken her on.

  “They were a right pair of crackpots! He used to call her sweetie-pie and plait her hair, and she thought I was her own personal slave.” She wouldn’t forget that pair as long as she lived.

  “Everyone thought they adored each other, but I saw what was really going on.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “They were like Jekyll and Hyde. During the day they were all sweetness and light, but when the door was closed and the curtains drawn they filled that house with h
atred…I mean, they really hurt each other. Once, he locked her in the bathroom and left her there all night…said she smelled and needed a wash.” Thoughts of her own parents filtered through Kitty’s mind.

  “Why would he do that?” she asked.

  “Why would he pretend he loved her when all the time he wanted to hurt her?” It was her own father she was really asking about.

  Georgie thought for a minute before answering in a voice old beyond her years, “People are strange, that’s why. I’ll bet there’s at least one house in every street in every town where things go on behind closed doors no one would ever guess.”

  “If they don’t love each other, why do they go on living together?”

  “Because sometimes it’s easier than breaking up and finding a new life alone. Sometimes a bad partner is better than none at all.” She gave a wry little smile.

  “What I’m saying is…sometimes it’s easier to live a lie.”

  Kitty’s mind fled back to that fatal morning. Suddenly it all spilled out.

  “My mother killed herself because she and Daddy fought all the time.” The memory was too much. Her throat tightened and the tears rose.

  Georgie gently touched her hand.

  “I’m sorry,” she said, “but, right or wrong, there are times when we all have to make choices. Tomorrow morning I’m going to tell Miss Davis what my mother tried to make me do. I know I’ll never be allowed to go home again, but I don’t care. That’s my choice.”

  She hesitated then went on, “What your mother did was her choice. You have to accept that. Kitty, or it’ll drive you mad.” Kitty couldn’t speak for a minute. She swallowed her tears.

  “I wish she hadn’t done it, though. I miss her so much.” Funny how she didn’t miss her father.

  “Would you rather she’d lived a lie like that other unhappy couple?”

  “I don’t know.” Kitty wondered why it had to be one way or the other.

  “But why couldn’t she have run away? Why didn’t she find some place for me and her to live? We would have been happy…without him.”

  “Only your mother could answer those questions, so we’ll never know, will we? Maybe she did try other ways. Maybe she loved your daddy too much to leave him…but couldn’t live with him any longer. Maybe they talked about it and he threatened to take you away from her. Who knows what goes on in somebody’s mind?”

  Sensing Kitty’s distress, Georgie brightened her voice and smiled cheerily.

  “Anyway, you’re here now, and I’m going to take good care of you, so buck up, eh? You and me have each other, don’t we?”

  “I’m glad you’re here.”

  “You might not be when I start to get bossy.”

  “I hope you don’t get fostered again.” Kitty felt so comfortable with this delightful person, almost as though she had known her all her life.

  “Not much chance of that, thank God! To be honest I’m not fourteen yet, but it’s near enough and nobody wants to take on that sort of responsibility. Besides, in a little over two years’ time I’ll be on my own. They throw you out when you’re sixteen.” With that she bade Kitty goodnight.

  “I won’t be too far away…just four beds down from you. Sleep tight. See you in the morning.”

  Kitty lay in bed, her eyes turned towards that capable figure as it made its way down the room.

  “Goodnight, Georgie,” she murmured. Then she turned over and closed her eyes. For the first time in a long while her young heart was quiet. She had the feeling of being wanted, of being warm and belonging. Tomorrow she would see Georgie again, and the morning couldn’t come too soon.

  Miss Davis entered the dining room with the two bullies in tow. Her stern face told its own story.

  “When you’ve had your breakfast, I’ll see the pair of you in my office.” She waited for them to be seated then swung round and marched out.

  “Old cow!” muttered the dark-haired girl.

  “Big mouth Rogers!” grumbled the other.

  “I bet it was her who split on us.”

  “That’s right.” They didn’t see Georgie come in.

  “I told her what you did. Want to do something about it, do you?”

  “Why don’t you piss off?” suggested the blonde.

  “Better still, drop dead!” snapped the other.

  Georgina’s reply was lighthearted and infuriating.

  “I reckon you two are slipping,” she said, “Kitty Marsh is only half your size, but she gave you a real fight, didn’t she, eh?” Grinning as she brushed by, she added insult to injury.

  “I hope your arse is sore where she kicked it.”

  Catching sight of Kitty, who had watched the little fracas, she collected her breakfast tray and made her way to the table.

  “Sleep well, did you?” she asked. Setting her tray on the table, Georgie began on her scrambled eggs until a stern glance from Dorothy Picton prompted her to take the plate off the tray.

  “They’ll be watching us like hawks today. The place has to be spick and span when we have callers,” she told Kitty. Aware that Miss Picton was still watching, she put the tray on the floor beside her chair, out of everyone’s way.

  “It’s visiting day today,” she explained.

  “Is anyone coming to see you?”

  Kitty shook her head.

  “Nobody’s said anything to me. Anyway, there’s only my aunt, and she won’t want to see me.” In fact, since the court had committed her to the care of the authorities, Kitty had neither seen nor heard from her Aunt Mildred.

  “What about friends?” Georgie dropped a sausage on the floor and kicked it under the table.

  Kitty could hardly stifle her laughter when another girl kicked the sausage back and Georgie indulged in a game of footsie.

  “There’s only Sarah and Harry.” Just the sound of his name on her lips made her young heart glow.

  Georgie was all ears.

  “Oh! A boyfriend, eh?” she teased.

  “What’s he like…this Harry?”

  A pink blush suffused Kitty’s cheeks. “He’s not my boyfriend.”

  She had never thought of him that way before, but now the idea was thrilling.

  “If you say so, but I still want to know what he’s like.” She playfully dug Kitty in the ribs.

  “I’m naturally nosy, you’ll have to get used to that.”

  Kitty had been eating a piece of toast, but now she replaced it on her plate and let images of Harry flood her mind.

  “He’s really nice, and he’s got these dark eyes that crinkle when he laughs.” She missed him almost as much as she missed her mother, but in a different way.

  “He’s got thick black hair and it’s always in a mess.”

  “Good-looking, is he?”

  “I think he is.”

  “Tall?”

  Kitty remembered when Harry teased her by saying he could tuck her under his armpit, and related the incident to Georgie.

  “We were fishing in the brook. I slipped into the rushes and he carried me out.”

  “Sounds romantic to me.”

  Kitty blushed again.

  “He makes me laugh.”

  “Older than you, is he?”

  “He’s fifteen.”

  “Do you think he’ll come to see you?”

  Kitty’s smile fell away.

  “I don’t think so. His dad doesn’t like me.”

  Georgie scooped up a forkful of scrambled egg, swilling it down with a gulp of tea. Grimacing, she asked Kitty, “Do you want to know what I think?”

  “Yes.” Kitty took a gulp of her tea and realised why Georgie had grimaced.

  “Ooh! It’s stone cold!”

  “I think your Harry will try and see you, whatever his dad says.” Taking her tray from the floor, she put the soiled crockery on it.

  “Do as I do,” she said.

  “And for God’s sake don’t drop the tray or we’ll have to wash the floor from one end to the other.”


  Georgie was right. At four-thirty that afternoon, Kitty was sent for by Miss Davis.

  “Go to the day room, Kitty…there’s someone to see you.”

  She couldn’t believe her ears.

  “Who is it?”

  “Get along and you’ll find out.” Ushering her out of the door, Miss Davis reminded her, “Visiting finishes at five o’clock. That gives you half an hour. Miss Picton is already in there. She’ll see to you.”

  “Over there,” said Miss Picton, pointing to the far end of the room.

  “If you need me, I’ll be here.” She sat down again and left Kitty to find her visitors.

  The lounge was full to bursting; outsiders and inmates had taken almost every available chair, and at first Kitty couldn’t see who had taken the trouble to visit her. Weaving her way in and out of the furniture, she made her way to the far end of the room.

  “Kitty!” The voice was thrillingly familiar. She raised her eyes and there he was, tall and good-looking just as she had described him to Georgie.

  “Kitty, it’s good to see you!” He had her in his arms and they were hugging. She was crying and he was laughing, and his dark eyes drank her in.

  “Oh, Kitty! I thought I’d never see you again!”

  Kitty clung to him for a full minute before she saw Linda Jenkins out of the corner of her eye. The sobering glance she received made her step back a pace.

  “Sarah won’t be coming,” he murmured as they walked over to his mother.

  “She’s got a touch of flu and didn’t want to spread it.”

  “That was thoughtful.”

  “How are you, Kitty?” Linda Jenkins felt ill at ease. She wouldn’t have come, only Harry had threatened to visit Kitty on his own if she refused. As it was, his father had warned her against it.

  “Best to keep out of it,” said Ron.

  “I knew all along there would be trouble in that family.”

  “I’m all right,” Kitty answered.

  “Only I don’t like this place much.”

  Harry was troubled. Turning to his mother, he asked softly, “Why can’t you persuade Dad to have Kitty with us?”

  “You know very well why!” They had been through this so many times, and each time Linda found her son and herself growing further apart.

  “Your father won’t hear of it, that’s why.”

  Sensing a disturbing undercurrent. Kitty intervened.