Living a Lie Read online

  “It’s all right, Harry…really. The people here are nice and I’ve made a friend. Her name is Georgie.”

  Grateful for the reprieve, Linda remarked, “That’s nice, dear. And have you got your own room?”

  Kitty shook her head.

  “No, but we have our own little area, with a comfortable bed, and a bedside cupboard and locker.” She didn’t want to talk about these unimportant things. She wanted to talk about her parents, and how her whole world had been turned upside down. She wanted to tell them that she wished everything could be the same again, even the rowing. Now it was all different, her parents were gone, she was in here, and she could never go back.

  As though he could read Kitty’s thoughts, Harry asked, “Has anyone else come to see you…a solicitor or some one like that?”

  She shook her head.

  “No.”

  “So they haven’t told you about the house? Or your dad’s business?”

  “No.” Kitty was intrigued.

  “What about them?”

  Linda interrupted.

  “I don’t think we should be worrying Kitty about all that,” she said, giving her son a warning glance.

  “It’s for the authorities to tell her.”

  “Well, they haven’t told her yet, and she has a right to know.”

  Addressing himself to Kitty he told her, “Your Aunt Mildred showed an estate agent round the house. He was taking pictures and everything. Then yesterday she went to the garage and spoke to the manager. He told my dad she was after selling the business.”

  His brown eyes grew serious. “I thought she would have told you all about it?”

  “Be careful what you say, son.” Linda was more concerned about what her husband would say.

  “Your father told me that in confidence. We can’t be certain what Kitty’s aunt is up to.”

  “She’s up to no good, that’s what she’s up to!” Urging Kitty to think about it, he added softly, “By rights it’s all yours…the business and everything else. It’s strange that your aunt hasn’t even been to see you.”

  A bell sounded, and Linda stood up thankfully.

  “Looks like they’re chucking us out, dear,” she told Kitty.

  “I don’t know if we’ll be able to make another visit, but take care of yourself anyway.” Gathering her bag, she joined the visitors heading towards the door.

  “Come on, Harry,” she called impatiently.

  “We’ve a bus to catch.”

  In fact the bus wasn’t due for another fifteen minutes, but after what her son had told Kitty, she couldn’t get out of there quick enough.

  For once her husband was right. Least said, soonest mended in this case.

  Harry held on to Kitty’s hand far longer than he should have.

  “Oh, Kitty, it’s not the same without you,” he said.

  “Every time there’s a knock on the door, I’m hoping it might be you.”

  Her heart ached.

  “One day it will be,” she promised.

  “Are they really taking care of you in here?”

  “I suppose so.”

  “And are you getting over it…?” He hesitated, not wanting to mention it, but knowing it had to be brought out in the open. “Your mum and dad and everything?” He squeezed her hand and it gave her courage.

  “It wasn’t my fault, was it, Harry?” She had to believe that.

  He shook his head and his smile warmed her.

  “No, Kitty. You mustn’t think it was your fault. Your mum and dad did what they wanted to do. I don’t believe anything you said would have made any difference.”

  “Georgie told me that.”

  “Then she really is a friend.”

  “You’ll like her.”

  “I like her already.”

  “Harry?”

  He didn’t speak, but inclined his head to one side. His gaze was enough.

  Kitty’s heart was racing. She didn’t want him to go, but neither did she want him to stay. This place was her punishment, not his.

  “Do you think I’m too young?”

  “Too young?” Not quite certain what she meant, he quietly regarded her. He had always thought Kitty very beautiful, with her dark hair and wonderful eyes. She was gentle in nature, with a sense of humour and a strong bold heart, yet she had a certain vulnerability that made him feel protective towards her…made him feel like a man.

  “Too young for what. Kitty?”

  Her grip tightened in his, and her eyes clouded over.

  “I don’t know,” she replied softly.

  “Only I don’t feel too young.” She paused to assemble her thoughts.

  “I feel lost, and afraid. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep like a baby. But I don’t feel too young.” In fact she felt old, almost as though her life had already been lived.

  When she shuddered, he took her in his arms.

  “You’ve been through a lot, Kitty,” he reminded her.

  “It’s no wonder you’re lost and afraid.”

  Easing her from him, he looked down into her face.

  “What if I told you I cried myself to sleep?” It was difficult for him to confess that fact to anyone, let alone Kitty. But if it helped her then he could swallow his pride. “I cried once when they took you away, and again last night when I knew I was coming to see you.”

  Kitty was so astonished she laughed and cried at the same time.

  “So you see, you’re not alone, and you’ve nothing to be ashamed of.”

  Placing the tips of his fingers under her chin he raised her gaze to his.

  “And, for whatever reason you need to ask…you are not too young.” It seemed all his life he had loved her, and never more than in that moment when she looked up at him with soft dark eyes.

  “Will you come and see me again, Harry?” If he said no, she couldn’t bear it.

  “Try and stop me.”

  “Your dad might try and stop you. He doesn’t like me.”

  “No one will stop me from seeing you, Kitty.” His voice was hard. She had never heard him talk like that before.

  “Goodbye, Harry.” Reaching up, she meant to kiss him on the cheek.

  He held her away for a moment, then bent his head and kissed her full on the mouth.

  “Goodbye, Kitty,” he whispered.

  “I love you.”

  Long after he’d gone, those words echoed in her head.

  I love you, he’d said. Did he mean he loved her like a friend? Did he mean he loved her because he was sorry for all that had happened to bring her here to this place? Did he mean he loved her like a brother? Or did he mean he loved her in the way grownups loved each other? She wasn’t sure she wanted that. After all grownups started out loving, and ended up hating.

  Kitty decided to take Harry’s love as being the love of a friend. Yet, deep down, somewhere so deep she could barely recognise it. Kitty sensed that the love between her and Harry would carry them through all the years. She knew instinctively that what they had would never turn to hate, and that somehow the same strong love that flowed between them now would endure and survive, in spite of any obstacles life might put in their way.

  From now on, that would be Kitty’s dream…that one day, she and Harry would be together for all time. It was to be a dream that would light her way through the darkest years to come.

  PART TWO

  •••

  1977 ~ CHANCES

  CHAPTER FOUR

  “I have some good news for you, Kitty.” Miss Davis had a soft spot for Kitty but knew better than to show it in front of the other children.

  Leading her to the far end of the television room where they could sit quietly, she handed Kitty a letter.

  “Read it,” she urged, her face beaming from ear to ear.

  Intrigued, Kitty glanced at the envelope.

  “But it’s addressed to you.”

  “Ah, yes! But it’s to do with you, my dear.” Retrieving the envelope, she withdrew the le
tter from it.

  “There! Now read it and tell me what you think?” Holding out the letter, she waited for Kitty to take it from her.

  Something in Miss Davis’s manner told Kitty the letter contained news she had been fearing.

  “It’s from them, isn’t it?” Her heart sank at the reply.

  “If you mean Mr. and Mrs. Connor, then yes, it is.” Her smile stiffened then disappeared altogether as Kitty’s expression told its own story.

  “I see.” Miss Davis stared into Kitty’s face, her voice stern as she instructed, “I think you had better come into my office.” With that she stood up and marched away.

  Kitty reluctantly followed. As she walked past the group of children clustered round the television, she caught Georgie’s attention. The two smiled at each other.

  “Keep your pecker up, gal!” Georgie whispered harshly. And Kitty was encouraged.

  “Now then, my dear.” Miss Davis sat behind her desk and Kitty sat before it.

  “Explain yourself. I really thought you would be delighted that Mr. and Mrs. Connor have agreed to foster you.”

  Not wanting to seem ungrateful, Kitty thought carefully about her answer. She looked at Miss Davis and was momentarily distracted by the sheer volume of that great body squashed into the confines of an upright chair.

  “I’m sorry. Miss Davis,” she answered, “but I don’t want to be fostered out.”

  Miss Davis nodded her head for what seemed an extraordinarily long time. Then she sat still, cleared her throat and, just when Kitty was sure she would speak, began nodding again. It was unnerving.

  “So!” The nodding stopped and Kitty was immensely thankful.

  “Are you saying you don’t want to be fostered out at all…or is it that you don’t want to be fostered out to Mr. and Mrs. Connor in particular?” She leaned over her desk, folded her blubbery arms and stared at Kitty through her little spectacles.

  Kitty had been dreading this day, and now it was here, she felt trapped.

  “I’m happy where I am,” she replied.

  “Please don’t send me away to strangers.” It had taken many months for Kitty to get used to living in this communal situation. Now she was settled, the idea of change was frightening.

  “I don’t understand you, Kitty.” Miss Davis was shaking her head now.

  “You’ve been with us for nearly two years. Surely you want to be with a proper family?”

  “They’re not my family.” Her family was dead. Though she missed her mother every minute of every day, she had got used to being without her. There could be no substitute.

  Miss Davis was undeterred.

  “You’ve met Mr. and Mrs. Connor three times already. You knew there was a strong possibility that they would be the ones to foster you. You said you liked them, and you know that they have a son just a year older than you. When he came with them on the visits, I really thought you got on well together.” She frowned.

  “You did like Adam Connor, didn’t you, Kitty?”

  “He was all right, I suppose.” Anxious not to seem ungrateful or churlish, she didn’t reveal she thought the boy a little strange. Even though he chatted to her and smiled at everything she said, he still managed to make her feel unwanted.

  Obviously relieved, Miss Davis took in such a great gulp of air that her chest swelled to twice its size.

  “Oh, Kitty! Just think how wonderful it would be if you could go to the family before the end of this month…in time to celebrate your fourteenth birthday.”

  “I’d rather be here, with Georgie.”

  Patience was growing thin by now.

  “Listen to me, my dear.” After waiting for Kitty to raise her gaze and pay full attention, Miss Davis went on in a firm voice, “In just a few weeks’ time, on her sixteenth birthday, Georgie Rogers will be leaving this establishment herself. It seems to me that it’s also the ideal time for you to make a new life as well. You know that most people prefer babies or toddlers, and that’s why I’m so pleased for you, Kitty. Mr. and Mrs. Connor have been carefully vetted. The authorities won’t keep you here when there is a perfectly suitable couple willing to foster you. This is your chance to be part of a family. Maybe your only chance.”

  Her face softened. “You do realise you may not have any choice in the matter?”

  Kitty thought about what Georgie had told her, that she had been deliberately bad just to get back here. She didn’t see herself resorting to that, but Miss Davis was wrong when she said there was no choice.

  “Please…I don’t want to go to strangers.” She felt as though she was pleading for her life.

  “But we were all strangers when you first came here, and you’ve grown to like us, haven’t you?”

  “Yes, but I was unhappy for a long time.”

  Miss Davis came round the desk. She paced up and down behind Kitty before coming to sit on the edge. The desk groaned and creaked, and Kitty thought it would end up in a heap on the floor.

  “Kitty?”

  “Yes, Miss Davis?”

  “I hope Georgie hasn’t been saying anything to make you afraid?”

  Kitty held her tongue. If she let it loose it was bound to tell a lie.

  “Ah! I thought as much.” Miss Davis made a mental note to speak to Georgie at the first opportunity.

  “I am well aware of the disastrous fostering she experienced although it was largely her own fault, as I’m sure she has told you.”

  Again, Kitty was silent.

  “You do trust me, don’t you?”

  Kitty thought a moment. She had come to trust Miss Davis, but how could she trust her now when she was trying to send her away?

  “I suppose so.”

  “Do you recall when you were brought before the assessment board last year?”

  “Yes.” She hadn’t liked that at all. Those people meant well, but they didn’t know how she felt. No one did…except maybe Harry, and Georgie.

  “I know you resented being brought before the board, but it was only for your own good. Their job is to match you with a couple they believe you will be happy with. They had to ask questions, to get to know you as best they could, so they could make the right decision concerning your future. You do understand that, don’t you, Kitty?”

  “Yes, I understand that.”

  Miss Davis gave a sigh of relief.

  “We’re all here to help you, Kitty.”

  “Yes, Miss Davis.” Kitty kept her gaze on the floor. She didn’t want to look up, afraid to acknowledge that she might be sent away against her will.

  Returning to her chair, Miss Davis maddened Kitty by drumming her fingers on the desk-top. Her head was down, and her chin buried in the fleshy folds of her neck as she peeped at Kitty over the rims of her spectacles.

  “I really thought you would be as delighted as I am at this news.”

  “I’m sorry. And I do like the Connors,” Kitty admitted.

  “It’s just that I don’t want to live with them.”

  There was a moment then, during which Kitty looked at the carpet and Miss Davis looked at her. This lovely girl had come to her frightened and lonely, having seen her own mother leap to her death then her father set fire to the house, yet even in the act of destroying himself, save his only daughter’s life.

  This tragic sequence of events had brought the child to this place where Miss Davis, without being drawn into an emotional trap that could only hurt her too, had cared for Kitty with as much love and attention as she could rightfully give.

  Now the child had blossomed into a young woman with a dark and sensuous beauty that might even yet be her downfall. Kitty was not tall, neither was she short; she was petite and feminine, with a perfect little figure and a graciousness that caught the eye. With that rich black hair and magnificent glowing brown eyes, she stood out in a crowd.

  Unsettled by the prolonged span of silence, Kitty spoke her fears.

  “Will they make me go against my will?”

  The woman was sud
denly afraid for the child. But her answer was dictated to her by higher authorities.

  “We’ll have to see,” she answered warily.

  “We mustn’t forget you’ve been here almost two years now. You are still a minor, and someone has to take responsibility for you. The Connors have offered you a good home. I believe we would all be failing in our duty if we didn’t at least give it a try…and that includes you, Kitty.”

  “Can I please go now?”

  “For the moment.” She waved a hand and looked away. Sometimes this job could get to you.

  Days came and went and soon it was Friday. As usual, Kitty said cheerio to her schoolmates and ran the half-mile to the factory where Georgie worked. The house-rules didn’t allow Kitty to make any detours from school, but if she ran really fast, she could reach the factory and be back with Georgie before anyone realised she was a few minutes late.

  Her friend was watching out for her.

  “I won’t be long,” she called through an upper window.

  Kitty sat on the low wall that fronted the factory. Here in this pleasant white-painted building, they made plastic macs, rubber diving suits, and all manner of containers. When Kitty asked Georgie how she liked working there, she answered, “We throw things about and have a laugh, and there’s a bloke who works in the cutting-room who fancies me rotten…he’d give anything to get his leg over.”

  You never got a proper answer from Georgie, so Kitty took it all with a pinch of salt.

  While Kitty waited, the March breeze blew a sheet of newspaper down the street. When it attached itself to her leg, she picked it up and began to read. She was still reading when Georgie crept up behind her and shouted:

  “BOO!”

  Kitty nearly jumped out of her skin.

  “You’re wicked,” she laughed.

  “What’s that you’re reading, gal?”

  “It’s a newspaper, and it’s two months old,” Kitty told her.

  “It must have blown out of one of those rubbish bins.” She pointed to a row of giant bins standing in a yard some short distance away; one of them had a lid missing.

  “It’s all about politics,” groaned Kitty. Pointing to one headline, she read out, “Riots in Cairo.”